A conglomeration of differing points of view at the Thanksgiving dinner table can lead to tricky-to-navigate conversations. Michael Bordieri, professor of psychology at Murray State University, visits Sounds Good to discuss how to approach these difficult topics, and the benefits of conscious gratitude and an open mind.
With so many different relatives and friends of all demographic factors meeting in one place, opinions are bound to vary when conversing at the table. Thanksgiving can sometimes act as a nexus of tricky subjects all coming together: religion, sex, politics, etc. Conversations can easily turn to arguments as opposing points of view clash and insist on their opinion being the most factual, proper, or moral. Michael Bordieri suggests that finding a solution to these heated debates is not as hard as it might seem. "It's pretty simple," Bordieri explains, "just try not to be right. Approach the time as a way of understanding and appreciating someone else's perspective even if it's different from your own."
Navigating a debate without a desire to be right can prove to be more difficult, however, in the heat of the moment. Bordieri suggests that rather than looking to be right, a more productive approach to the conversation would be to seek understanding. Bordieri also encourages people to practice cultural humility. An article from the Journal of Counseling Psychology defines cultural humility as "having an interpersonal stance that is other-oriented rather than self-focused, characterized by respect and lack of superiority toward an individual's cultural background or experience." Accepting one's own cultural humility can build an appreciation for different perspectives, including what's scary, important, or exciting to different people, and how those perspectives coincide and differ within the same society.
If appreciating other perspectives on sensitive subjects proves to be too difficult a task to manage in one dinner, Bordieri suggests that it might be best to avoid those subjects altogether. "Instead of talking just about the state of the world and right and wrong and political pursuits, instead, talk about what you're thankful for." Shifting the focus of the conversation to what everyone at the table is thankful for -- big and small -- can ease the cognitive tension and direct the general mood to a grateful and more festive one. Gratitude is essential for psychological and physical health, and athough some factors contributing to happiness are out of one's control, how one relates to their own experiences is a skill that can be practiced and cultivated daily. Last Thanksgiving season, Bordieri spoke in depth with Ross about the psychology behind being grateful, which can be found here.
Finally, in the midst of hosting and coralling a multitude of loved ones, Bordieri offers a final tip on remaining grateful this holiday weekend. "Part of being grateful," Bordieri says, "is also finding time to just slow down and be present." Being present can mean taking just a few moments to slow down, take a breath, notice one's surroundings, and find gratitude amongst that. This mindfulness doesn't have to be practiced at a crowded table, either. "When we're around family and friends, taking a moment or two to ourselves can be powerful. Even just two or three minutes of breathing, centering yourself, getting back to that conversation, can have a huge positive effect on your mental health."
