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How to Find Information in Your Feelings

Andrzej Wilusz, 123rf stock photo

"In our culture, living good and being okay means that you're feeling good first," says Dr. Michael Bordieri, Murray State University Assistant Professor of Psychology. However, he says, we shouldn't be concerned about "feeling the right things," but rather should be aware of our feelings, recognize them as feelings and treat them for what they are. Kate Lochte speaks with Dr. Bordieri on Sounds Good about how to consider one's feelings as informational.

"The idea that we need to feel good seems to be pretty much the message that almost everyone I work with comes in with that idea," says Dr. Michael Bordieri. But if we step back from that and observe our feelings as simply feelings, then they can be a great source of information about what's going on in the world. Recognizing emotions and how you're feeling without acting on it can be tricky.

While we tend to be capable of recognizing intense emotions like yelling and rage, noticing smaller changes like frustration can be harder to point out. With training, identifying the more subtle emotions and then taking proactive measures like going for a walk can help prevent things like stress later.

Dr. Bordieris says that he's not able to choose the feelings he has most days. There are days that for whatever reason he's not feeling great. The key is to not necessarily be worried when those days show up. There's a disconnect with how we feel and how we're "supposed to feel." Recommends to simply treat emotions for what they are and remember that feelings don't have to run our lives.

So how do you mitigate other people's feelings affecting your feelings? Remember to let people feel their feelings, he says. Instead of making people stop or telling them to calm down, consider that it's okay if they're upset. Being upset and being stressed out isn't necessarily something that has to change. Some people value talking and sharing emotions while others are taught by culture to suppress them. It doesn't mean that they don't have feelings, they just express them differently.

Dr. Michael Bordieri is an Assistant Professor of Psychology at Murray State University and a clinical supervisor at the MSU Psychological Center, which is staffed by graduate students in clinical psychology providing therapy and assessment services under the supervision of licensed clinical psychologists. The center is open to all. Call for summer hours at 270-809-2504.

Our next discussion with Dr. Bordieri will be June 16.

Matt Markgraf joined the WKMS team as a student in January 2007. He's served in a variety of roles over the years: as News Director March 2016-September 2019 and previously as the New Media & Promotions Coordinator beginning in 2011. Prior to that, he was a graduate and undergraduate assistant. He is currently the host of the international music show Imported on Sunday nights at 10 p.m.
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