AILSA CHANG, HOST:
Every week, a guest draws a card from NPR's Wild Card deck and answers a big question about their life. Jeff Hiller won an Emmy this year for his role in HBO's "Somebody Somewhere." The recognition came after decades of bit roles in TV. And he says the win has been surprisingly meaningful for him.
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JEFF HILLER: I feel very (laughter) loved because there has just been such an incredible outpouring of affection toward me that I feel - I actually feel it (laughter), whereas normally, I'd be like, oh, they're probably lying. It's just come in such a tidal wave. I can't even ignore it.
CHANG: On Wild Card, Jeff Hiller talked to host Rachel Martin.
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RACHEL MARTIN: Do you think there's any part of us that will live on after we die?
HILLER: Yeah. And I know logic says that's not true, but I don't care. It's what I want to believe. I'm not going to make you have to believe that. But yeah, I do. I am having this moment of success. My mom was my biggest cheerleader.
MARTIN: Yeah.
HILLER: And the idea that she isn't seeing this is, like, too painful to imagine. And so I believe that she's not only seeing it, she's, like, the architect of it. And...
MARTIN: Yeah.
HILLER: ...I know that that's silly. And if you're like, we just go to dirt - OK, cool (laughter). I'm not going to try and change your mind. But I do.
MARTIN: Remind me when she passed?
HILLER: 2016 - October 9, 2016.
MARTIN: Yeah.
HILLER: Yeah. When I hadn't had - when I was like, oh, I hope I can pay my rent this month.
MARTIN: Yeah. My mom died...
HILLER: Yeah.
MARTIN: ...Before I met my husband and before I had kids. And it's so weird, like, to...
HILLER: Yeah.
MARTIN: ...Have this thing that I wanted very much in my life only materialize after she's gone.
HILLER: Yeah.
MARTIN: And I'm also woo-woo in that way. She passed in 2009 in May, and I met my husband in October of the same year. And...
HILLER: Wow.
MARTIN: ...I just - yeah. I also choose to believe that.
HILLER: Yeah.
MARTIN: She's...
HILLER: Worst-case scenario, we get to think about our moms.
MARTIN: Right.
HILLER: (Laughter).
MARTIN: Right now. Worst-case scenario, we got to share this moment.
HILLER: Exactly. Exactly.
MARTIN: Yeah.
HILLER: I would imagine that's especially hard with kids.
MARTIN: Oh, it's just so strange. I do not know how to parent. I have no idea.
HILLER: (Laughter).
MARTIN: I don't even know if I was supposed to do this. Am I even good at it? And now, now what?
HILLER: Right.
MARTIN: Now I just, like, wing and a prayer. That's what's happening.
HILLER: I bet you'd feel that way, even if they were still around, to be honest (laughter).
MARTIN: You're right. You're totally right. You're completely - and you know what I'd be saying? I'd be like, oh, my God, Mom, that's the worst advice ever. I'm not doing that. Like...
HILLER: (Laughter) OK, boomer.
MARTIN: Yeah.
(LAUGHTER)
CHANG: You can watch that full conversation with Jeff Hiller by searching for Wild Card with Rachel Martin on YouTube. And Hiller's memoir, "Actress Of A Certain Age," is out now.
(SOUNDBITE OF MUSIC) Transcript provided by NPR, Copyright NPR.
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