By Rose Krzton-Presson
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Murray, KY – November is National Adoption Month in the United States. Some adoptive parents are faced with unique challenges, especially those who adopt older children. According to 2007 data from the Adoption and Foster Care Analysis and Reporting System, only 13 percent of children in Kentucky's foster care system were adopted. And older children are less likely to be adopted than younger ones. Many parents have chosen to adopt from overseas. Last year saw 262 international adoption cases in the state. Rose Krzton-Presson investigates how age and culture can factor in to a family's adoption experience.
Steve and Dana Collins help their kids with homework at the dining room table. Dana tells her six year old daughter Stevie to go get her book. Stevie returns and sits next to her little sister Ellie. It looks like a typical Norman Rockwell painting except for one thing. Ellie has blond curls and Stevie has straight, black hair.
Three of the Collins' four children are adopted. Dana and Steve had to work with each child uniquely to help them with transitional difficulties. The oldest, Will, was born to an American mother and came to live with the Collins as a newborn. Four year old Ellie is the Collins' only biological child. Max and Stevie came from China.
Max is the Collins' 7 year old son from the Liaoning Province in China. He was five at the time. But as Max's parents describe, from the way he acts , you can't tell he is new to the family.
"Max is our clown. He is our family clown. He likes to dance, likes to sing, loves to make people laugh, plays the piano, plays the drums, and just gets on my nerves."
That's Max's adopted little sister, Stevie, also from China. She lived in an orphanage in the Hunan Province before being adopted by Dana and Steve. She arrived in the US just after her first birthday. When the Collins first adopted Stevie, she more independent than most children her age. Dana Collins says Stevie wanted to hold her own bottle. She didn't want a mother to help her.
Max was adopted at age 5. He also showed signs of his previous life when he first arrived. Again, Steve Collins.
"When we brought him home, it was very neat, almost OCD. He always made his bed. He always folded his clothes. He always put his toys away. Sometimes would even ask for a shoe box to hide things in."
The sudden change in culture required 5 year old Max to relearn everything he knew. Max was at the age where he should have been capable of a Kindergarten education; but this was not the case. Being socially or emotionally behind is common in older children. Some adoption agencies even label them as a "Special Needs Child" simply because of their age- as was the case with Max.
"I guess characteristically he was acting like a two year old. We had to back track with him even though he was five years old- almost six. We had to kind of go backwards and begin at an earlier age."
Mandy Lawson works with All Blessings International, an organization based in Owensboro that's devoted to pairing children with wanting parents. Lawson explains that these situations are very common in older adoptees.
"When adopting older children, families have to realize that there are going to be issues as far as PTSD, sensory issues, reactive attachment disorder that could occur to a child that's been in an orphanage for years and has not had that ability or opportunity to attach to someone."
As a child grows older, it becomes more difficult for them to attach to someone. Diana Boni, the Haiti and Africa Programs Coordinator for All Blessings International, lives in South Dakota with her five adopted children from Haiti. She says that in her experience, flexibility on the part of the parent was necessary.
"Truth is, when you adopt older kids, your family meet in the middle. You'll meet the older child in the middle and your family culture will change."
This change can be difficult for some families and adoption agencies are providing services to help. All Blessings International offers post-adoption counseling for families as well as preparation for hopeful parents. Boni encourages parents to educate themselves as much as possible prior to any adoption, especially if they are adopting an older child from another culture.
"Those children have grown up in a very different culture where the way the world works is a little different there."
Dana and Steve have worked with each of their children uniquely to suit their needs and Will, Max, and Stevie have all adjusted well to the Collins' home. Watching them interact, you wouldn't be able to tell they were born six thousand miles apart. Despite the challenges presented with foreign adoption or the adoption of an older child, the Collins' efforts, like the efforts of many adoptive parents, has helped their children adjust to their new home and family.